There's hot like a late-August morning in Cleveland, when you sweat through your shirt during the walk to the train, and get that gross wet spot on your lower back.
And there's hot like the special sauce your coworker ordered online, the one everyone tried a drop of on a saltine cracker that made Todd from accounting cry a little, until someone gave him a glass of milk.
And there's hot like Elle Macpherson on the cover of the '88 swimsuit issue, the one you saw at the public library when you were a kid, and it made you feel kind of funny all afternoon.
Then there's hot like Carlos Santana over the weekend in Kansas City. That's the hottest heat of all.
Santana went 9 for 14 during the series against the Royals, with 5 home runs, a double, 5 walks, a hit-by-pitch, and a stolen base too. His batting line: .643/.750/1.756, giving him an OPS of 2.536, a wOBA of .937, and a wRC+ of 531. That's the kind of heat that will make you sweat through your shirt, cry a little, and feel kind of funny all afternoon.
Here's video of all five of Carlos' five home runs. You may want to turn on a fan before watching the clip, so as to prevent your computer from melting:
I'm going to go lie down for a while, I'm feeling faint...