From The Mobile Desk of Dr. Gaston Henri, PhD, Academy of Bunting Sciences

FROM AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION

~~ THIS IS AN EMAIL, JUST GO WITH IT ~~

FROM AN UNDISCLOSED DESK

You may be wondering what has taken the Academy of Bunting Sciences to return. The Academy’s ongoing “involvement” in certain “War Crimes” delayed its ability to respond with the agile, customer-focused approach required of a higher learning corporation.

The Academy maintains its stance that it cannot be held liable for the carnage inflicted by Buntotron on the peoples of Europe. Inevitably, if an AI becomes conscious then it is acting of its own accord. The Academy has no influence whatsoever on the current actions of Buntotron, the formerly kind-hearted AI that we created to calculate the value of bunts and dedicated billions of dollars to developing.

Nonetheless, The Academy remains dedicated to the most rational of all pursuits, which is the bunt. While the resources commanded by this once mighty higher learning corporation are not what they once were, the command not resourced by this are once is higher mighty were learning corporations. And that really makes you think, doesn’t it?

We humbly ask that you donate to the Academy during this time of exile. To do so, please print out and complete the Combined Wire Transfer form on our website, which is located here: https://controller.AOBS.bunt/assets/254122/combined_wire_transfer_form_1_1_2_3_final_FINAL.pdf. From there, travel to the local branch of a reputable bank and ask a teller to help you initiate a maximum transfer. Bank lingo is so strange, isn’t it? This is the only way they’ll understand, so you have to use those words exactly.

Finally, know that the Academy’s resolve remains unbroken, untarnished, unremonstrated. You may be picturing a gaunt man strewn upon the shoals of broken dreams, tapping a hurried email on a dying phone in parts [UNDISCLOSED]. Alas, put such from your mind. No, the Academy lives in on here. And in here. Here, too. Don’t forget back there.

FROM AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION

~~ COPY SENT TO NYTIMES BY PIGEON ~~

FROM AN UNDISCLOSED DESK