Replacing every Guardians hitter with an active former Guardian

You may have thought to yourself at various points of this season “Man, we’d have been better off keeping John Doe instead of having this guy.” Well, let’s find out.

For the purposes of this, “active” means you played in an MLB game in 2023. Sorry, Nolan Jones. Sorry, Shin-Soo Choo. You may not be headed to Cooperstown, but Cleveland has never been able to replace you.

So, without further ado ...

CATCHER

OUT: Mike Zunino — .170/.271/.340, 71 wRC+
IN: Yan Gomes — .292/.311/.490, 113 wRC+

OUT: Cam Gallagher (a defense-only player)
IN: Austin Hegdes (a defense-only player)

OUT: David Fry — .167./231/.167, 13 wRC+
IN: Luke Maile — .277/.333/.511, 122 wRC+

Universal improvement. This exercise is just about offense, but the defense improves here, too. Even Fry Nation is going to be fine with these replacements.

FIRST BASE / DH

OUT: Josh Bell — .226/.340/.341, 95 wRC+
IN: Carlos Santana — .235/.332/.355, 92 wRC+

This was also a choice CLEFO faced this past winter. Did they choose correctly?

OUT: Josh Naylor — .224/.273/.401, 79 wRC+
IN: Owen Miller — .346/.367/.548, 147 wRC+

Starting to think Cleveland’s coaching might not be the best.

SECOND BASE

OUT: Andrés Giménez — .236/.304/.345, 81 wRC+
IN: Christian Arroyo — .257/.295/.365, 77 wRC+

Pretty much the same.

SHORTSTOP

OUT: Amed Rosario — .237/.275/.328, 65 wRC+
IN: Francisco Lindor — .227/.304/.412, 102 wRC+

Any complaints about this one?

In addition, a clubhouse presence has been added for the next addition to use as a mediator ...

THIRD BASE

OUT: José Ramírez — .266/.348/.462, 112 wRC+
IN: Yandy Díaz — .322/.425/.599, 188 wRC+

Sigh. Let’s just all take some time and cry about this entire hypothetical.

LEFT FIELD

OUT: Steven Kwan — .254/.342/.339, 92 wRC+
IN: Alex Call — .218/.307/.327, 76 wRC+

A definite downgrade. Alex Call’s numbers have regressed faster than a ... a ... a 2023 Guardian.

CENTER FIELD

OUT: Myles Straw — .225/.310/.285, wRC+
IN: Oscar Mercado — .450/.450/.600, 193 wRC+

Small sample size alert! But, oh that difference. As Google asks halfway down the page when you search “Myles Straw”, “Has Myles Straw ever hit a homerun?”

RIGHT FIELD

OUT: Will Brennan — .213/.252/.306, 52 wRC+
IN: Harold Ramirez — .299/.352/.515, 145 wRC+

Removing Harold Ramirez from the roster never made any sense, and the Rays are loling at us all the way to the postseason. In addition, we just saved a bird.

INFIELD/OUTFIELD

OUT: Gabriel Arias— .205/.287/.372, 83 wRC+
IN: Jake Bauers — .182/.288/.341, 77 wRC+

Yandy, Carlos, and Jake! All on the same roster! Years of debate, just gone!

BENCH

OUT: Tyler Freeman
IN: Ernie Clement

Never gonna play anyways, the stats don’t matter.