Mustard, Relish nailed in PED sting

If you buy something from an Academy of Bunting Sciences Link what on Earth is wrong with you? See our ethics statement.

CLEVELAND, OH - Authorities apprehended Cleveland Guardians Hot Dog Mascots Mustard Mustard and Rickey Relish last night as part of an FBI-coordinated drug sting.

Upon breaking into the discarded bun that Mustard claims as a primary residence officers recovered the following substances banned by the Frankenfurter Racing Federation (FRF):

1. Deca Durabolin (55 lb)
2. Dextroamphetamine (15 lb)
3. Truffle Aioli (10 gallons)

Authorities also repossessed a jar of giardinera and several sport peppers, noting that these are simply “frowned upon and gross.” No other substances were recovered at the scene according to the official police report.

FRF Commissioner Hubert Casings responded to the news, stating “Hot Dog Races are America’s pasttime. It is shocking to me that players from our own organization would sully this great league by cheating.”

When pressed for comment, Mustard referred all questions to Andre Knott.

It is unclear at press time how the Guardians will alter the menu for races.