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Bally Sports admits it never existed

This makes them about as successful as The Academy, folks

MLB: JAN 21 Braves - Braves Fest Photo by David J. Griffin/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Bally Sports, the organization carrying broadcasting rights for the Cleveland Guardians and many other Major League Baseball teams, admitted during Valentine’s Day dinner that it has been lying all along.

“Look, I need to open up about something,” said the network. “I’ve had such a wonderful time broadcasting sporting events to you and I hope this doesn’t hurt your ability to trust me. But, Bally Sports is actually just a phrase that a casino megacorporation paid untold gobs of money to slap on a collection of regional sports networks (RSNs) that the justice department demanded Disney divest after acquiring a massive slate of intellectual property from 21st Century Fox. My real name is actually Sinclair Broadcasting Group, but legally I am also a joint venture with Entertainment Studios that is owned by a subsidiary by the name of Diamond Sports Group. The Weather Channel is actually my brother; I lied to you when I said we were just friends in college. Look, I know this looks really bad. And it is. I’m also going to get up to use the restroom before the lobster thermador arrives and never come back. It’s been a pleasure.”

At press time, Bally Sports introduced itself to the USFL, claiming to be Netflix.