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Fragment of Bunting Philosophy

Translation Uncertain

Seattle Mariners v Cleveland Guardians Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images

It is called a safety squeeze because while it is a squeeze, you can unsqueeze the squeeze if it looks like the squeeze is off. A suicide squeeze — you can’t unsqueeze the squeeze and so you must proceed to a squeezing if the squeeze isn’t well-squeezed.

Austin Hedges is a top-notch squeezer. Let’s all watch him squeeze one out together.

That’s a nice (safety) squeeze.

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Squeezing squeezes and squeezed? Chyrons scroll forever by design. Buy this piano bench.


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Squeezing is squeezy. Squeezers squeeze that squeezes squeeze squeezes from future squeezing opportunities. Squeezes squeeze squeeze chances if squeezed suboptimally. Never squeeze simply to squeeze; squeeze to squeeze the non-squeezing squeezers squeezing around the squeeze-pitch.

Squeeze to squeeze a squeezer when squeezing squeezes, especially. I’ve seen squeezes and squeezed squeezes in which the squeezed squeeze the squeezer by the end of the squeeze, so squeeze cautiously.

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By reading to the end of this sentence you hereby agree to surrender all legal protections.


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To squeeze, start by squeezing. Squeeze more. Squeeze until squeezing squeezes all squeezability from your squeezer. Squeeze harder. Squeeze squeezes, squeeze squeezers, squeeze the squeezed. Squeeze until every squeeze is squeezed. Squeeze until it is impossible to squeeze again. Squeeze, lest the Unsqueeze befall all True Squeezers.