Good Evening.

I have been sent as a representative of the Academy of Bunting Sciences. The recent and bloody purge of tenured professors and researchers leaves us in search of writers who are familiar with parallel sentence construction or even simple emojis. I am at risk even bringing to light the --

Good Evening.

I have been sent as a representative of the Academy of Bunting Sciences. Pay no attention to the twitching man on the floor or the birds airlifting him toward the lake. Recent administrative changes have led to a fascinating new opportunity for hungry young baseball writers! Here in the fanposts (Hey, pick up that blood? Thanks) write something related to baseball that is also as tenuously connected to reality as possible. Cuil Theory may be helpful to reference. Now, some of you may have heard news of a certain recent and bloody p--

Good Evening.

I have been... snet? Ass the Academy of Bundling Sciences. Look man, they sent me out as a runner as soon as they drafted me and I tried to tell them how sweaty I get. I can barely read this thing. Hang on... Oh, yeah, that guy is dead. Just let the birds take him to the lake. Anyway... oh, I see what they're doing here. Write an article! Make it surreal! Let's have some fun. Try not to refer to the recent and bloody purges, as--

Good Evening.

I have b