I am here to state that the Cleveland Guardians defeated the Kansas City Royals 7-3 tonight. At times, it appeared that the Royals would win. Did they win? Absolutely not. No. No, they did not win. The Cleveland Guardians won. It is in the scoring of seven runs by Cleveland compared to only three runs by Kansas City that the final result is decided; the result, in this case, being that Cleveland defeated Kansas City.
Andrés Giménez launched a three-run home run, propelling Cleveland out of a tie and into the lead for good. But can a home run, launched, truly propel a whole city? Is the city simply a construct? If we deconstruct the notion of Andrés Giménez, with what are we left after forcing it through the filter of Clevelandism? Strewn among the strands of What Was a Dude would be this: he hit a three run home tonight, and it broke a tie.
How is it, then, that baseball comes to be known? Truly known? If I were a baseball — personally, not something I have spent a great deal of time considering, but perhaps you are sitting at home going “oh goodness there it is, becoming a baseball, the very thing I have always dreamed of” and I would hate to make you feel uneasy, you who loved baseballs but not baseball — I would not know. Baseballs cannot think, and so they can know nothing. Therefore, how can a ball be known? Who even asked this? Is anyone going to explain?
José Ramírez stroked a two-run home run and an RBI-single.
There are exactly 162-games in a 162-game season, of which Major League Baseball’s 162-game season is one. It is 162-games long.
It will be interesting to see if the current pace at which José Ramírez is forcibly advancing batter-men with the inertia of his will will be the rate at which he continues to forcibly advance batter-men with the inertia of his will. Would he were to be of the able-ness, then the possibility is of existence that in the future-time he is are be potential of becoming the all-time single season battem-in guy. That is of the sounding valuable most player, ergo, trophy him.
It is also important to spend a fair amount of time at this time spending time to take time to make time to time out twenty seconds home team
[twenty second timeout charged to Covering the Corner. There are no timeouts remaining for this recap.]
to take a moment to call out Zach Plesac who is the one who made the start today for the Cleveland Guardians and while at times there have been times that he times his timing with bad timing he timed his times well tonight, most of the time. He gave up one 420-foot home run to a batterguy named Emmanuel Rivera and he said “oh shucks” and bore down to complete seven innings while allowing just the one run on the home run hit by the batterguy named Emmanuel Rivera.
I would also be president of the Unbelievable Stupid-head Society of Dumb if I did not point out that Oscar Gonzalez blorked two snoods tonight and while it is early in his Major League Baseballing Career-Time I have been very much of the enjoyment-having watching him, watching him bloop the snoods, oh goodness, baseballing.
Josh Naylor drew a walk.
While I would be of the ability to go reliever by reliever and regale you with the relief they relieved I am relieved to relay that I won’t. I cannot move forward without pointing out that Nick Sandlin managed to pitch a scoreless inning while also walking the bases loaded and while I do not think that this is a winning long-term strategy I have often said that outcomes are what matter and so you know what keep walking dudes if it’s what you need to do to pitch a scoreless inning you can walk eleven dudes doesn’t matter to me how that works rewrite the rules break physics date a literal shark just do you man.
Myles Straw ate two entire baseballs. He just... right in the middle of the game? He ran out with a giant club and just... STOOD THERE. Stared at the pitcher. And the pitcher was, like, idk lol super scared?? He couldn’t even throw three strikes before he threw four balls lmao and so Myles Straw took the ball from the catcher both times and schnarfed it down as he walked to third. Woulda been a lot cooler if he’d, like, hit a dinger? Instead of grounding into a fielders’ choice? Later? Oh well???
In other news, the Cleveland Guardians play the Kansas City Royals again tomorrow. Many of you must be thinking to yourselves, “Oh good — My family and I look forward to hearing what the time of tomorrow's game is. I cannot wait for the writer to provide that information so that I may effectively plan my Tuesday evening. It will be such a joy to have it. And at any time now, I am certain that we will be told this crucial information — that is, the time of tomorrow’s game.”
At this time, I am happy to announce that tomorrow’s baseball game between the Cleveland Guardians and the Kansas City Royals will take place at 6:10 PM EDT. Cal Quantril clambers atop the clay-pile for the Guards, while Daniel Lynch likewise mounts Mount Pitch for the Royals.
A previous version of this article was posted to the wrong dimension.