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Squirrel family planning mischief for home opener

Little Bucky wants to meet Josh Naylor

Hero Open - Day Three - Forest of Arden Marriott Hotel and Country Club Photo by Mike Egerton/PA Images via Getty Images

CLEVELAND, OH — A local family of Eastern Grey Squirrels made known its intention to “cause mischief” during Cleveland’s home opener on Monday, April 5th.

It’s been a long time since we caused any trouble, and to be honest, it’s overdue,” chittered Chip, 7. “We’ve grown the family quite a bit over here in the graveyard and now that people are showing back up we want to throw a party, share what we’ve been up to, be neighborly!”

Squirrels provide unexpected entertainment at American Sporting Events when they enter the field of play. Though they rarely interrupt the action, audiences will clap or even cheer as the common tree rodent darts around.

“People eat it up,” said Chip. “I scored a touchdown at a Browns game a couple of seasons ago. Made SportsCenter. Highlight of the season for Cleveland.”

Many fans cherish squirrels for such mishaps, though the dangers of clowning for humankind during a sporting event are not imaginary. The entire animal kingdom remembers and honors Sally, the White-winged Dove destroyed by Randy Johnson during a ceremonial Swoop of Serendipity.

Though the ties between man and animal may fray as it plays out between the lines, they never tear. At press time, Chip’s great-grandson Bucky and his seventeen children were eager to play tag with their hero, Josh Naylor.