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An Academic Project: Buntotron

The Academy plays to win, you foolish [HR is reviewing practices for tagline writing but did not have time for edits prior to this post]

BASEBALL-JPN-ROBOTS Photo by STR/JIJI PRESS/AFP via Getty Images

We are busy at The Academy.

We work hard to bring you the most up-to-date science on bunts, foul tips, TOOTBLANs, LOOGYs, and sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. That is why I am proud to announce that the Academy’s $957 Million expansion of our football training facilities. Once the NCAA accepts our proposal to start a team those kids are going to be in great shape.

Meanwhile, we continue to strive for absolute truth in all things bunt. Bunting is the most rational of all pursuits. Rest assured that if all the bunts in human history had been seen, human progress would have required little more than a century, and the estimates of time wasted on frivolities would range between a million and a trillion years.

The bunt is the most rational in all pursuits, and our pursuit of its rationalization leads to one conclusion: Buntotron.

We here at The Academy know that producing cutting-edge bunting content requires an investment. We plan to pour $56 Billion into the development of Buntotron, a sophisticated AI that evaluates and tweets about bunts in real-time. There are trackers out on the World Wide Webbing devoted to barrels, dingers, stolen bases ... what about the humble bunt?

This is a massive investment by The Academy. We again thank our donors for their limitless generosity and refusal to confirm the source of their funding. We cannot wait to show you Buntotron when it is ready to meet you.