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Rabid Cleveland fan not even mad at Miguel Cabrera

“I can’t even drive in the snow and he’s hitting dingers.”

MLB: Cleveland Indians at Detroit Tigers Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports

COLUMBUS, OH - Cleveland baseball fanatic and human NFT Gert Jurgens wasn’t even mad when Miguel Cabrera blasted a two-run home run off of reigning AL Cy Young winner Shane Bieber during a snow storm.

Jurgens, cost 3.2 ETH, made the trip to Detroit for the home opener. While there were other reasons he drove from Ohio to Michigan the primary draw was this pitcher-hitter matchup.

“First ballot hall-of-famer vs. the best pitcher in the game. In the snow. I can’t even drive in the snow and he’s hitting dingers,” said Jurgens in between bites of Klondike bar. “If you’re gonna [redacted] our [redacted] then it’s hard to do better than that. Not even mad. Kinda dope.”

Other Cleveland fans around him rolled their eyes and made inappropriate gestures. Jurgens shrugged and kept retweeting videos of the blast to his Cleveland-oriented followers anyway.

“I’m just really glad baseball is back, you know? I don’t care if it’s our arch-nemesis killing us, I just miss baseball.”

At press time, Jurgens was arrested just south of the Michigan-Ohio border and a search warrant was issued for his vehicle. Toledo area police are uncertain if an NFT is protected by the Constitution.