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OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM THE ACADEMY OF BUNTING SCIENCES

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## FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE ON AVAILABLE TELETEXT NETWORKS ##

Bicycling Down Capitol Steps Photo by Library of Congress/Corbis/VCG via Getty Images

COLUMBUS, OH - ACADEMY OF BUNTING SCIENCES

~~ORNATE LETTERING, IT IS VERY NICE, YOU ARE ACTUALLY IMPRESSED~~

FROM THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR OF RESEARCH


The Academy of Bunting Sciences hereby formally expresses its belief that the Bullpen of the Cleveland Baseball Franchise will finish the 2021 regular season as one of the five best in all of baseball as measured by fWAR.

FURTHERMORE, The Academy hereby informally expresses its enthusiasm for all manner of tomfoolery on the pitching mound, including but not limited to:

Knuckleballs, forkballs, palmballs, screwballs, any and all eephi, hacky-sack catches, glove-biting, ball-swearing, eye-twitching, windmill windups, shifty shuffles, spitting (generally), grimacing (when cool), ludicrous facial hair, guy-from-your-bowling-league-has-11-strikeouts-through-seven, and Zach Greinke (entirely).

IN CONCLUSION, The Academy chooses to view this season as a grotesque weed in the corner of the yard by the shed. “What the [HR - REDACTED], this plant could be anything, just let it grow for now. Neat!”

Neat, indeed. Next time you look it’s exploding with milkweed seeds, and by the time you know you have a milkweed problem in your yard it isn’t your yard anymore it just isn’t because oh god no it’s the milkweed’s yard now, man — Despite whatever complications arise, this mystery plant is always a delight to watch as it grows, isn’t it?

We would prefer the planting of perennials, tomatoes, summer squash, etc, but The Academy has been unsuccessful in all prior attempts to initiate mutual correspondence with the front office of the Cleveland Baseball Franchise and associated lawn keeping and gardening contractors.

~~ IT IS SO PROCLAIMED ~~


COLUMBUS, OH - ACADEMY OF BUNTING SCIENCES

~~ORNATE LETTERING, IT IS EVEN PRETTIER NOW, HOW DO THEY DO THIS, WOW~~

FROM THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR OF RESEARCH