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What could the Indians get for Francisco Lindor?

It’s never too early to speculate irresponsibly

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Workouts Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

Francisco Lindor remains under team control until the end of the 2021 season, but if the Cleveland Indians aren’t able to negotiate an extension with the superstar before that time it would be wise to trade him before the deadline rather than let him walk in free agency.

2021 is a long, long way away, but is it ever too early to speculate on hypothetical scenarios that may never come to pass?

What are you even doing what is this don’t believe the headline of this article it is absolutely way too early that’s like three seasons from now get out now while you still can this doesn’t even make any sense I just —

You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about, heading. It’s never too early. With that in mind, let’s examine some trade scenarios that, based on Lindor’s current and future value, would net a fair return for the Tribe.

Indians trade Francisco Lindor to the Dodgers for Alex Verdugo, Gavin Lux, Dustin May, Keibert Ruiz, and Guillermo Zuniga

A player like Lindor deserves a monster haul. This deal returns four players with multiple years of team control and tremendous upside. Also, Guillermo Zuniga, about whom I know nothing except that he has a 75-grade name.

It’s also worth noting that the Dodgers are probably going to sign Bryce Harper to a two or three year deal because there is no God, and by the time Lindor is available they can just take the money they were giving to Bryce and hand it to Frankie. Since Harper will have two World Series trophies in his pocket at that point (NO GOD) he probably won’t mind.

Verdugo is a must have because in this scenario every single Indians outfielder suffers a career-ending injury that sounds like it came from Out of the Park Baseball. Oscar Mercado suffers horrible burns after running inside a flaming orphanage to save a piano, for instance. Bradley Zimmer tears both ACLs after running into Mustard during a Hot Dog Derby. Greg Allen develops a severe nut allergy during an ill-advised endorsement with Blue Diamond. And so on.

Indians trade Francisco Lindor to the St. Louis Cardinals for Nolan Gorman, Elehuris Montero, an arch to be named later, and the City Museum

Something something promising prospects and monuments.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about what a steal the City Museum would be for the Indians. While it probably won’t do well by defensive runs saved, it does have a god damn airplane in its playground and a bus hanging off of the roof.

Just imagine this bad boy in right field instead of the shipping containers. All of the sudden the warehouse outside of Camden Yards looks like a joke. A JOKE, YOU HEAR? This is also a direct quote from the wikipedia page: “A giant rope swing is contained in a free-standing aluminum dome underneath the roof’s centerpiece, a giant metal praying mantis.”

The only other building-related trade I would consider is working something out with the Twins to get the Dinkydome, which was once a theological seminary, then a food court, and is now a bunch of loft apartments. I think that’s more of a mid-level deal, though. Lindor is at least worth all of Dinkytown, and I swear to god that is really the name of the neighborhood.

Indians trade Francisco Lindor to Gliese 832 c Tigers in exchange for ⋔⟟☍⟒ ⏁⍀⍜⎍⏁, ⋔⟟☊☍⟒⊬ ⋔⏃⋏⏁⌰⟒, ⏃⋏⎅ ⍀⟟☊⊑⟟⟒ ⏃⌇⊑⏚⎍⍀⋏

There aren’t any rules in the CBA or Major League Baseball as a whole that prohibit Major League teams from negotiating with extraterrestrial teams. While the league might frown upon the Indians sending one of its brightest young stars to another solar system, ⏃⋏⎅ ⍀⟟☊⊑⟟⟒ ⏃⌇⊑⏚⎍⍀⋏ is only 3,045 years old and players on Gliese 832 c tend to peak at around age 3,325. ⋔⟟☍⟒ ⏁⍀⍜⎍⏁ may only have another 100 seasons left in its arms, but that’s a total of 400 more seasons of elite command and a stellar K/BB ratio. ⋔⟟☊☍⟒⊬ ⋔⏃⋏⏁⌰⟒ is only involved so that the deal makes financial sense, and would be immediately DFA’d.

One major roadblock to this deal is that interstellar travel within a reasonable amount of time will not be possible by 2021 and Francisco Lindor would likely be dead by the time he arrived at the Gliese 832 system. This may trigger interstellar war, as baseball is considered to be the primary source of entertainment, religion, and sustenance to Gliesians.

Indians trade Francisco Lindor to Venezuela for runaway inflation

Just hear me out on this one.

If the Indians manage to trade Lindor for ludicrous inflationary pressures, the effects on the rest of baseball’s economy will be massive. The Indians can weaponize it and use it to infect every other team’s spending power. Prices will spiral out of control until Michael Martinez signs an $11,000,000,000,000,000 minor league deal. Who cares if Mike Trout ends up being worth Avogadro’s Number of dollars per season? Every team will essentially have the same spending power, which is to say, none at all. THAT’S HOW ECONOMICS WORKS, RIGHT?

Take that, big media markets. Not only do you lose out on Lindor, but now baseball is ruined and don’t you wish you’d just agreed to a salary cap?

Indians trade Francisco Lindor to literally any National League team in exchange for the National League adopting the DH

Worth it.