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Cleveland Indians Photo Day Awards 2019

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Jason Kipnis’ transformation into the most famous assistant of 90s is almost complete, and Li-Jen Chu is just happy to be here.

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

What’s your favorite part of spring training? Is it the games? Hell no it’s not, it’s picture day — and it finally happened today for the Indians.

This would be a yearly occurrence if I remembered to do it last season, but as it is, consider it a bi-annual event hopefully soon turning yearly if the earth isn’t a burned hellscape by 2020.

So without further adieu, Let’s Go Tribe proudly presents the 2019 Photo Day winners:

Most confused by cameraman’s directions: Matt Joyce

“So, like, all the bats? At once?”

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Most recently stared into the gaping maw of Cthulu and has yet to recover: Jose Ramirez

P̼̣͚͟h̯̞̥̝̖’̩̻̰͙̘́n͇͕͟g͍͍lu͔̬̖͓͙͡i͙͘ ̠̞̦mg͏l̘̬͜w̯̬͚’͎̼n̜̦̺̮a̘̻͉̰͜f̜͉͓̫̘͉̀h͍̺̱͈̣ ͏̼̬̼̜̠C̴̘͎t̹͍̱͚ͅh̦͍̬͇̥̫̖u͖͔͚̟̘̖͕l̺̲̰̖̕h̷̰͇̝͓u̶̟̼͎ ̞R̨͉’͕̺͔̠̯̩ͅl̶̺̼̝͕͎͔y̮͙̻e͚̪̼̦h͖͙̬ ̭̤̝͞w̛̱̲̱̺̞ͅg͏̮̥̬̬a̼̗̕h̙̳’̱̙ͅn̥à͇͚͚̹g̶̫͙l ̥̻̣̻͍f̞͙h̡͔̱̳͓͖t̘̙a̝͍̻̜g̵͓͚n͉̙͞. P̼̣͚͟h̯̞̥̝̖’̩̻̰͙̘́n͇͕͟g͍͍lu͔̬̖͓͙͡i͙͘ ̠̞̦mg͏l̘̬͜w̯̬͚’͎̼n̜̦̺̮a̘̻͉̰͜f̜͉͓̫̘͉̀h͍̺̱͈̣ ͏̼̬̼̜̠C̴̘͎t̹͍̱͚ͅh̦͍̬͇̥̫̖u͖͔͚̟̘̖͕l̺̲̰̖̕h̷̰͇̝͓u̶̟̼͎ ̞R̨͉’͕̺͔̠̯̩ͅl̶̺̼̝͕͎͔y̮͙̻e͚̪̼̦h͖͙̬ ̭̤̝͞w̛̱̲̱̺̞ͅg͏̮̥̬̬a̼̗̕h̙̳’̱̙ͅn̥à͇͚͚̹g̶̫͙l ̥̻̣̻͍f̞͙h̡͔̱̳͓͖t̘̙a̝͍̻̜g̵͓͚n͉̙͞. P̼̣͚͟h̯̞̥̝̖’̩̻̰͙̘́n͇͕͟g͍͍lu͔̬̖͓͙͡i͙͘ ̠̞̦mg͏l̘̬͜w̯̬͚’͎̼n̜̦̺̮a̘̻͉̰͜f̜͉͓̫̘͉̀h͍̺̱͈̣ ͏̼̬̼̜̠C̴̘͎t̹͍̱͚ͅh̦͍̬͇̥̫̖u͖͔͚̟̘̖͕l̺̲̰̖̕h̷̰͇̝͓u̶̟̼͎ ̞R̨͉’͕̺͔̠̯̩ͅl̶̺̼̝͕͎͔y̮͙̻e͚̪̼̦h͖͙̬ ̭̤̝͞w̛̱̲̱̺̞ͅg͏̮̥̬̬a̼̗̕h̙̳’̱̙ͅn̥à͇͚͚̹g̶̫͙l ̥̻̣̻͍f̞͙h̡͔̱̳͓͖t̘̙a̝͍̻̜g̵͓͚n͉̙͞. P̼̣͚͟h̯̞̥̝̖’̩̻̰͙̘́n͇͕͟g͍͍lu͔̬̖͓͙͡i͙͘ ̠̞̦mg͏l̘̬͜w̯̬͚’͎̼n̜̦̺̮a̘̻͉̰͜f̜͉͓̫̘͉̀h͍̺̱͈̣ ͏̼̬̼̜̠C̴̘͎t̹͍̱͚ͅh̦͍̬͇̥̫̖u͖͔͚̟̘̖͕l̺̲̰̖̕h̷̰͇̝͓u̶̟̼͎ ̞R̨͉’͕̺͔̠̯̩ͅl̶̺̼̝͕͎͔y̮͙̻e͚̪̼̦h͖͙̬ ̭̤̝͞w̛̱̲̱̺̞ͅg͏̮̥̬̬a̼̗̕h̙̳’̱̙ͅn̥à͇͚͚̹g̶̫͙l ̥̻̣̻͍f̞͙h̡͔̱̳͓͖t̘̙a̝͍̻̜g̵͓͚n͉̙͞

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports
MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports
MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Deadest insect: Whatever Jordan Luplow is aiming at

Fool me once, bats on you. Fool me five more times I’m going to come back with a whole hell of a lot of bats. Nothing stands between Jordan Luplow and his target.

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Most likely to blow this fucking ball up with his mind: Bradley Zimmer

Laugh at him all you want (DEREK), but Bradley Zimmer is going to do it. He’s trained his whole life. He’s going to blow this fucking ball up with his mind.

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Most likely to *teleports behind u* “nothing personnel kid”: Jake Bauers

Whether he’s stopping by his local mall for the finest folded steel $50 out of a velcro Batman wallet can buy, or sending inappropriate asterisks text messages to uninterested girls online, Jake Bauers proved on picture day that he is the ultimate epic ninja gamer.

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Most likely to be able to identify a sample of Western Red Cedar wood blindfolded just by sniffing it: Jason Kipnis

Jason Kipnis’ long transformation into lovable Tool Time co-host Al Borland is almost complete. One more flannel shirt in his wardrobe and he’ll be the wet blanket every hot-headed craftsman needs to not get themselves killed by a rocket-powered lawn mower.

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Worst pitching grip: Mike Clevinger

I hate to be the one to do this and call out a professional athlete on how he goes about his business, but come on Clev. That’s not how knuckleballs work.

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Most prepared for your upcoming prostate check: Tyler Naquin

Look into Tyler Naquin’s eyes. Really look into them. It’s hard to tell if he’s excited for this or not.

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Happiest just to be here: Li-Jen Chu

He has no idea how he’s supposed to stand, where to look, or the correct amount to smile before it gets creepy, but damnit — Li-Jen Chu is just so happy to be here, guys.

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Most likely to be introing a Kickstarter video at this very moment: Jordan Luplow

Shortly after this photo was taken, Indians outfielder Jordan Luplow turned to the camera with an inquisitive, “Oh, didn’t see you there” and let us know about his plan to raise $500,000 for an electric cat toothbrush.

MLB: Cleveland Indians-Media Day Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Most likely to ask “hey whatcha eatin there?”: Tyler Naquin

Alternatively, most likely to ask for some gum at the first sign of a wrapper opening.

Cleveland Indians Photo Day Photo by Rob Tringali/Getty Images