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Baseball is weird and the Indians hang on to win 9-8

Sometimes seeing is believing, and today I’m blind.

MLB: Cleveland Indians at Toronto Blue Jays Nick Turchiaro-USA TODAY Sports

Full disclosure, I did not see today’s game. A scheduling error on my part made it so I wasn’t able to actually watch the game and had to work at another job instead. Based on the box score, however, it seems that my initial prediction,

This has the makings of a slugfest.

was fairly accurate. So, if I was someone who had just woken up from a medically induced coma and my first taste of Indians baseball was today’s box score, what would be my takeaways? Let’s see:

This Adam Plutko fellow is not doing very well

I’m confused as to why a pitcher with an ERA of over 5 is starting for the Indians in September. After all, games in September count the same as games in April, right? He’s throwing in the low-90s, which doesn’t seem to bode well. And it says here that he only went 4.2 innings before being pulled. What good is a starter that can’t even finish the fifth inning? I mean obviously you have to pull him since he gave up 5 earned runs and 9 hits, 3 of which left the yard. But no walks is a nice silver lining I suppose? But if this is who the Indians are throwing out as a starting pitcher, I shudder to think what the rest of the rotation looks like.

Why do people keep telling me about Francisco Lindor? He seems awful.

You’re telling me a guy who goes 1-for-6 is good? He got a single in the 7th inning of the game. Cool deal. He seemed to not be able to do much of anything else at all. I hope he’s not with the team much longer.

Wow, we have an amazing catcher!

Who’s this Roberto Perez guy? He’s absolutely MASHING! 2 hits, a walk, and 4 RBIs?! He’s clearly the engine that drives the offense.

7 runs in an inning?!

Wow what an inning! I’m sad to have missed it. It started off with our offensive leader Roberto Perez smacking his second homer of the year. What, has he been injured or something? He only has TWO? Unbelievable. A couple of batters later, Michael Brantley also hit a home run, which was neat. And then everyone just walked. No, literally. Edwin Encarnacion, Yonder Alonso, Melky Cabrera, and Jason Kipnis all walked and then a run came in to score. Nice job on the RBI, Kipnis! And then, of course, our hero Perez stepped to the plate and cranked a double to center field. Pitchers beware, Roberto Perez is coming to getcha!

Bullpen just needs to make a couple of minor tweaks and everything is golden!

Dan Otero, cool name. Don’t know that I want him pitching at all anymore. 5 hits over a single inning that resulted in 2 runs? C’mon, guy. And Tyler Olson had one job and didn’t do it, so we can scrap him. Neil Ramirez gave up a run so not too fond of him. But things really got better after that. Oliver Perez (long lost brother of offensive juggernaut Roberto Perez, perhaps?!) had a clean inning, and some gentleman named Josh Tomlin is an excellent setup man. I’m looking forward to seeing him pitch more when the game is on the line, he seems to have it all going.

Well, I now know everything I need to know about the 2018 Cleveland Indians. I’m sure this one game perfectly encapsulates all of the norms and trends that have been persistent all season long, right?

Looks at Josh Tomlin’s 2018 stats

Hey wait a minute...