For anyone who fell asleep and was woken up by the sound of fireworks a few minutes ago, the game’s over. You can go to bed now.
The Cleveland Indians lost in walk-off fashion to the Chicago White Sox in what can only be described as a mercy killing. If Daniel Palka didn’t crush Neil Ramirez’s weak attempt at a pitch 389 feet, we could be on the verge of having the most unwatchable game of baseball in recent memory go into extra innings. That seems like a crime.
This game had the ungodly mix of two pitches not exactly at their A-game with rising pitch counts, but not enough that the opposing offense could pounce for a big, exciting inning. I’d like to think I’m some kind of purist baseball fan who really enjoys the nitty gritty of a game — those intense pitching matchups and defensive shifts that don’t always show up in the box score but real fans know about that. The kind of fan that shuns home runs and pedantic triples off the wall because only the plebs enjoy scoring. You know, a real fan’s fan.
But if today’s game is the purists form of a great game, I’m nowhere in the same galaxy as a real baseball fan.
Sure, Shane Bieber pitched a solid enough 6.2 innings with eight strikeouts and a pair of walks — it was arguably the best game he’s ever had. A career-high in strikeouts, 74 of his 106 pitches were strikes. There’s not much more you can ask for besides maybe some more efficiency. But boy was it a snoozer. He just gently guided the worst team in baseball back to their dugout like a gentleman. I wanted him to tear them to pieces.
I mostly blame the offense, though. Pile on six or seven runs and suddenly there’s some excitement and Bieber’s outing is a showcase. Instead, everyone not named Yonder Alonso or Jose Ramirez stunk up the joint.
I don’t even know where this recap is going anymore. Look, they lost, alright? They’ll play again tomorrow and hopefully it’ll be watchable.