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Hello brothers and sisters of the Cleveland Indians Playoff Journey. I’m your host for this afternoon’s game thread. I would like for you to check your hot takes at the door. What constitutes a hot take? Please refer to the chart provided on section 3, clause iv. of the pamphlet you received by email yesterday.
There is no pamphlet, and there is no email. Everything is subjective, no one can predict anything, and all of our carbon will be atomized when the sun explodes or rendered useless by the heat death of the universe.
Let’s just enjoy this baseball game today.