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An open letter to Samsung regarding your cookie emoji

Carlos Carrasco deserves better than this.

Dear Samsung,

Hey there. First off, I’m a big fan of your phones and you didn’t even have to pay for me to say this. My Note 5 has done me a lot of good, even if I bought it a couple years late because I went looking for a Note 7 the day before some news broke about it and it “wasn’t in stock” anywhere. But good stuff overall, Samsung. The pen is neat and it fits in my giant ape hands.

Now, with that said, a recent realization has made your products completely unusable for me. Your cookie emoji. What is wrong with you?

Fellow Let’s Go Tribe writer Phil Kehres pointed it out on Twitter last night, but he’s far from the first to recognize the atrocity that is your “cookie” emoji.

But I do believe Phil is the first to realize it limits our ability, as Indians fans, to properly celebrate Carlos Carrasco, such as last night when he shut down the division rival Detroit Tigers.

Just look at my timeline as an Indians fan and a Samsung owner. It’s a saltine cracker party, when I should be getting showered by cookie emojis celebrating Carlos Carrasco’s big night.

Why are you punishing your most loyal customers like this, Samsung?

Maybe worst of all, you seem to have a good reputation among Indians players themselves. Jose Ramirez is apparently a big fan of your VR headsets, and it led to one of the purest moments of joy we have ever witnessed with a grown human being. But now this? Saltine betrayal? I thought we were buds, Samsung? You even tweeted my post about Jose’s VR mishap.

According to some in-depth, professional, rigorous research, you first changed the emoji back in 2015 in an effort to make your entire collection of emojis more eye-catching.

Two years ago is a century in internet time, which is good news for you. You could use an emoji refresh anyway, no one expects you to keep the same ones for so long. Google came to their senses and got rid of those obnoxious blobs. Now it’s your turn to bring back the cookie. Do the right thing, Samsung. Do it for Cookie.

Now, how do we go about making this right? It’s simple: You change your cookie emoji to an actual cookie and not a cracker. Or send me a VR headset and a new phone. Indians fans will be happy with either one, I’m pretty sure. Just trust me on this.