Jose Ramirez is absolutely on fire right now. I’ve talked about, Merritt has talked about it, I’m confident the Pope has mentioned it in passing a few times. No one can deny the absolute heat radiating from the baseball heart of Jose Ramirez right now. But is everything as it seems?
Listen, if you’re a regular Let’s Go Tribe reader, you know we only focus on the hardest* hitting* statistical* analysis* about baseball and the Indians, but once in awhile we all need a break from the hard stuff and we need to turn our attention to the important things. Like supernatural baseballs.
On Thursday, the day before the Indians went on a tear through the Twin Cities, Carlos Carrasco made his ‘ole buddy Jose Ramirez a mini-me. It was a fun, simple act. He took a baseball, stuck some string in its head to match Ramirez’s iconic cheeto hair, gave it some glasses and a necklace, and called it a day.
And this wasn’t the first time, either, as MLB’s Cut4 blog reported. Carrasco made a similar effigy in 2015. It wasn’t quite as accurate, and the effect on Ramirez wasn’t quite as dramatic. But this 2017 version... Jose Ramirez is messing with forces we just don’t understand.
Since that Thursday game, Ramirez has gone 17-for-31 with two home runs and a whopping nine doubles. He has doubled in every single game, in fact, and his wRC+ is a bonkers 372 in that span. This is not natural, and it’s time we acknowledge Mini-Jose’s powers.
On last night’s Let’s Talk Tribe podcast (like/comment/subscribe/tell your friends), fellow Let’s Go Tribe writer Merritt Rohlfing asked if Jobu or Mini-Jose would win in a fight. My co-host, Jason Lukehart, was quick to answer Jobu. But I, being the smart, handsome, forward-thinking one of the podcast, knew better than to doubt Mini-Jose’s power.
Sure, right now Mini-Jose helping the Indians win six straight games is fun. And it’s great that it’s led to Jose Ramirez hitting out of his mind and earning a Player of the Week nod. But what happens when this goes on for a week? Two weeks? Or 70 years? What then, Mr. Ramirez? What then?
A .586 isolated power rating is great in the midst of your team’s winning streak, but he can’t stop. He just keeps hitting doubles. What about when he decides he’s had enough of dominating baseball and wants to take to broadcasting? You really think FOX Sports would appreciating him crack doubles off their giant TV board every night?
And the Indians, they just cannot stop winning. That’s going to raise suspicions eventually. Just think about the year 2032, when the Indians start the season coming off their 15th straight 162-0 season and 15th straight World Series win. Sure, the Indians winning 15 straight World Series is great, but what if starts to feel old eventually? And, sure, we all rejoiced when the Mini-Jose mandated the National League adapt to the designated hitter, but it never stopped there.
Everyone becomes Indians fans, droves of former Cubs fans flocked to their new team, the will of Mini-Jose is infallible, as is the will to follow whatever team is currently winning. To be fair, what’s the point of rooting for another team if they never win? What’s the point of rooting for any team that doesn’t have an immortal Jose Ramirez having a perfect season every year? What’s the point of rooting for the Minnesota Twins, ever?
When it finally becomes too much, humanity — its technology accelerated by the knowledge of Mini-Jose — will have enough. They will send someone back in time, someone to warn humanity. Like me. Listen, before they find me, it’s not too late, r̷̞͚͙̼̰͑̿̎̌͌ȕ̷̻̰̗̟̦̩̝̦͛̎̈́̀̌͛n̵̛̗̮̮͚̺͕̾͐͑͐́̊̽͞,̷̯̤͎̦̠̠͈̻̑́̀̇͗͟͡ r̸̢̘̪̗̲̹̹̪͖̺͌͆̿̎̾̕͘ṵ͉̳̻̻̝̻̱̱̅̓͗̎̕͘͜n͕̠̜̯̐̄̑͂̑̀͂͜ b̶̡̢̛̲͇̩̿̾́́̇͢͡͡ͅẹ̶̛̛̛͓̦͉̜̫̾̾̍͛̒͂͘f̛̖͉̹̠̜̾̄̅͆́͘͘͜͢͡o̴̭̥̟̫͕̱̪̦͆̀͗̃̅͑̀͑̅ŗ̸̧̢͉̠̘̣̗̓̎̈̉͊̒͗̕͜͢ė͕̯͉̝̟̝͈͙̿̃̅̚͜͠ i̴̛̘̝̩̲̹̭͎̎̐̅͊̔́͢͜t̸̝̞̥̥̪͙̤̔̂́̅͡͠ͅ'̴͓̝͙̱̭̯̬̼̰͐͑͆̿̅͊͘͡ṡ̶͕͈̻̯̭͓̐̇̊̓̇̈̔̓͘͢ ţ̣̞̖̟̐̓͛̌̈́͋ȍ͙̝̱̘̦̜͕͎̽̏̀̆̕͞͠o̶̧͇̲̝̭͓̐͌̈̍͘͝ ļ͉̘͎̺̞͖̲̜̈͋͛͐̿͛̆̇̚ͅa̢̧͕̪̎͊̓̃͟͞ṯ̡̨̩̝͍͎̗̏̌͊͆̕͟ę̴̨͙̲̻͙̂̑͌̌̿̒̚̕.̮̫̯̤̦̼͓͓͉̑̄͒͊̋̎͋̋̌͜ Ȓ̲̗̮̫̮̱̝͌̄̐̂͐̏̎̈͜u̶͍̦̫̝͉͇̭̹̒͌͂̇̆̃͢n̵̢͓̣̺̮̎̇̅̾͐́̈̕͜͞ b̨̛̬̗̩̲̥͎̯͈̼͋̄̾͗͊e̸̦̻̟̰̯̯̾̇͛̅̿͐f̸̛͙̺͓̲̯̪̥̍́̐̎͊͐̓̔o̳͎͓͈̟͇̗͖̅̽̐̓̎͛̚ͅr̶̛̖̜͓͇̠̹͖̯͚̲̍̄̾̂͗̓͘͝e̡̖͎͓̟͈̤͗͋̂̎͋̔̕͟ t̴̢̢̛̙̠͉̥̟̘̋́̅͒̽̂̓̾̿ĥ̴̛̜̠͓͍̦̊̄́͑͜͟ȅ͇̱͔͚̽̒̒͝͡ͅͅͅ m̡̩̻͚͚̠̦̼̎̐̋͛̍ȉ̺̝̻̖̲͚͙̞̹̙̑́͗̈́̈́̽͆͡n̶̢̮̦̘̔̄̒̄͑̀̕͟͡i̸̧̻̲̘̻̤͕̒̓͐̒͂͊͒̕͜-̡̡̘͈̗̝̗̠̣̓̋͂͗͐͢J̴̡͕̙̓̾̓̃̑̌͊͛̚͘͜͟ô̴̫̠͎̲̼̹̲͗̌͗̾̽ͅͅs̢͚̘̼̫̘̲͐̍͛͌͂̊̄͊͢͢͝e̖̘̝̦̍̓͆̿̿̅̕͢͡͡ c̸̛͍̹̗̭̬͈̥̼̋̃͂̽͋͑̽̎̅o̡͇̱͔͔͇̜̮͉͆͋̍̈́̑ǹ̷̨̛̟̜̖̥͈͘͜͠͝ͅs̛̤̖͎͓̳͖̪̓̂́͘̕͜͜ṳ̟͚͔̘̏͐̆͆̇͛͢m̵̠̟͕̻̰̰̟̱̦̫͂̾̀͡͝ę̧̯͉̟̰̼͊̎͒̍̽͋͜s͍̼͔̠͉̭̋͊̽̾̀́͜ y̨̧̱̺̥͐́̐̇̃͝ǫ̛̖̤͎͕̜̩̼̟́͒͋̿̍͘͟͠͠͝u̙̣͚͚̜̻̖͓͊̇̀̚͡.̰͉͓͈̳̰̙̽̂̂͑̏̏̀͆̔͞ L̵̡̫̮͇̝̻̥͕͔̉̈̏̾͐͒̌̄͒̚i̛̗̦̩̟̯̝̒̓̓͋͂̀̏͂͞ķ̶̛̟̖̞͛̉̓͐̑̓͂͋͜è̷̙͚̱͔̘̣͂̇͗̒̓̅͛ i͖̳͙̟̗̠̜͇͒̂̉̾͋̀̽͆͜͜͞͝t̢̰̩̲͉̞̣͒́̆͒̀̄̈́͘ c̶͈̗̗͎̖̫͎͎̼̾̃̂̚͡ͅố̯͙̖͈̯͙̞̯̩̋̉͌͒́͜ń̸̨̞̯̣̜̰̺̯͇͇̋̍͋̇̕̚s̵̨̻͇̘͚͎̱͌́̿́͂̊̏̀̎͜͠ụ̷̞̙̼͎̩̉́̊̅̀̈́m̷̢̧͎̣̤͉͓̘̼͌̔̓̃̉͝e̵̮͕̙͙̜̗̟͔͎̹̔̎̄̐̔̀̕͠d̞̰̺̭̻̘̬̰̲͐̆̃̀͗͆͡͡ͅ ủ̯͙̰͔͔̫̘̩͑͑͑͂͢͞͠ͅs͉̖̝̙͚͗̐͑́̇͗̏͘͝ a̵̳̲͖͍͈̯͎͕͔̔̀̀̎͠l̵̡̩͙̩̦̫̀͛̓́͒̆͜͟͠͡l̸̛̫̫̘̼̲̺̟̍͊̀́̕̚͟.̦̘̫̯̟͚̐̈̈̐̽̕͘͘̕ Ḻ̵̢̡̢̼̞̼͋̽̌̍́͆͘͢i̷͓̪̼̼̥͉̞͍͇͊̏͒̀̔͑͐͛̏͘͢ḱ̡̞͇̜͇̲͙̟̐̉͛̎̓ͅͅe̸̼̩̙̦̬̗͚̩͚̯̔̑̇̏͡,͎̼͕̥̭̱͈͂̈́̿̀͐̄̄͂͟ c͍̤͚̭̼͈̩̰̱̾̈́̑͊͋̄͊̏͞o̸͓͔̙̯̺̙̿͐̽̅̓͞͝m̴̯̖̞̯̑̄̐͌̐̀̔̕͝ͅm̸̢̧͎̠͉̙̺̖̾̓̆̆̌̂͜ͅë̢̮̺̤̙̳̲̳̯͕̎͛͘͘n̡̨̪̤͙̂̾͆̀͛̾t̨̧̟̞̙̙̺̉͊͐̔̇̅̂͑͐͜͠,̠̬͕̮́́͐͛͜͜͝ á̡̞̜̳͔̰̑͒͊̾̈̈͘͜͟ṅ̸̡̦̩̘̠̥̺̞̯̾̀̆̑͛̔͘̕͟͡d̢̪͉̪̼̖̳̔̑̎̿̌͐̋̔͘͘͜ ś̰͚͕͍̫̺̱̱͈͐̂̾̆̇̏̅̚͜ư̷͍͇̬̹̻͈̈͋̾͗̀̏͟͝͡b̛̹͓͕̺͈̲̪̱̄̑̌̓̐͒̀͛s̖̞̦͓͎̳̯̖̈̐̔̇́̄̓͂̌͢͠c̷͓͎͍̖̳̪̽͊̍̐͌͌̀̅̈̚r̴̰̳͇̮̭̰̫͎̒́̂̓͘͞i̸̤͔̳͈̱̍̋͗͌͝b͖̱̠̱̗͕̻̽̓̈͑̽̉̚e̴̢̨̨͔̩̥͉̬͊̉̄̚͟͠.̷̘̭̰͚̮̰̰̈̋̆͋̿̽̒͆͂͆͜͜ͅ You have to destroy it. Winning a World Series is not worth the risk to humanity. We still don’t even have flying cars in the future, please destroy it. I had to take an Uber to get back here. T̙̪̤̯̜̳̗̣͇͎͌̐̈́͆̄̓̃͝͡͞h̶̟̗͉̘̭̰̲͋̓̈́̒͑̒e̵̬̟̰̖͙̳͕͂́͛̃͘r̷͔̝̜̪̰̘̯̼̈̎͐́̌́̕ē̷̝̻̖̝̠̮̲̊̿̏͛͢͠͝ ì̴̡̖̠̫̖̠̬̱̖̰̒̊́̋s̸̛̛̲̱̥̗̳̭̓͌̎̕͞͡ ņ̸͙̦̮̝͖͇̥͊̽̈́͌̀̃̓̋͒͋͟o̡͖͓̦̥̲̰̻͎͊͆́̈́̆͟ h̬̫͇͇͚̊̽̓̽̇͋͢͝ͅơ̸̘̫̞̩̳͍̮̜̙͌́̀͊͗̕͟͡p̴̗̜͓̠̲̺͙̟͕͗̽̆̌̌͌̕͝ȩ̵̤̫̪̰̩̫̖͙̈́̍̎̾̽̆͘͝ ở̧͔̜͕̟̼͚͓͛̊͗̓̌͑͢͠f̸̨̰͎̝͓̮̅̓͋͑̀͘͘͜ s̢̙̣̪̪̝̱̝̱̊͑̿̊̚ȗ̢͓̱͙̩͈̞̲̎̅̌̽͊͋͘͠r̩̳͍͑̉̒̾̊͐͘͢ͅv̸̧̛̪̜̬̱͐̏̇̓̋̓͘͠͞ì̵͔̹͔̻͕̓̂̑͘̚͢͞͞ͅv̷̨̢̤̙̟̗̪̺̠͚̽̀̅͐̎͂͘͡à͖̙̜̮͎͚́͗͋̀̆̌̚͜͠͞ͅl͚̬͍̖̙͒͒̒̊̚͝ͅ.̨̨͉͕͖̠͉͋̌́̾̕͜͟ H̛̤̬̫͚̆̽̔̑̎̌̕͟͞ͅų̷̛̛̫̗͙̬͇͕̲̟͚̾̒̓̈̎͋́͞m̴̖̭̰͔͈͉̺̀͊͑̓͊̄͟a̷̧̡͈̥͔̓̽͑̏͒̇͌͢n̶̥̳͓͖̩̟̦̓̊̍̿̀̀ĭ̷͈̤̘̦̯̘̺̃̑͛̈̈́͆̍͢ͅt̛̙̮̭̥̬̀̉̍̐ͅÿ̧̛̬͕̳̼̗́̓́͊̀̐̇̈́ͅ i̥̘̼͇̪̯͙͋̆̍͑̄̅͜ś̩͈̬̘̝̹̥͂̃̃̈́͌͛ ë̸̹͍̞̺̼̯̉́͋̈́̓̾͟͟n̵̡͈͙̹͈̥̪̻̾̑͛̿̅͂͢͢ḑ̴̱͈̯̼͈͖̣̺̟̄̉̉̃̊̕͠ȩ̴͚̻̘̯̻̐̍̇̌̍̒̆̌̕̚d̢̡̙̻̺͎̯̭͙͙͐͑̌͆̋͞͞.̢͉̤̳̋̿̇̿̽̎͜ A̢̫̳͙̬̅̍̅͒͂͟l̨̡̛̯̘̣͂͛̉̑̈́l̡̛͇̜͙̯͍̲̤̠̔̀͒̅̏͘͢ ḩ̢̗̰͉̼͚̫̮̈͌̓́͌͞͝͞ͅa̶̢͕̹͔̤̙͗̾̐̌͗́̕̕͜͞į͕̼̤̭̦̇̃͌̋͡l̸̡̬͔̪̻̼̀̿̃̀̍̚͟͢ͅͅ Ḿ̡̮͎͚̦̩̺̮͕̂͛͛͆́̾̉̚ḯ̢͎̩̩̤͔̯̘̼͈͆̇̀̀̎͝ǹ̶̘̞̣̩̗̰̖̈́̐͌̀į̵̱̩͖̲̝̮͑̈́͆̇̃̓̈̆͘͢͝ͅ-̡͇͎̳̇̏̎̔̇̅͘͘ͅJ̧̡̺̙͇̲̞͚̍̐̐͂̈́̀͑̃͡ͅó̵̢̺̮̦͉̭͎̲̦̓̉̽̍̅̎̅̚͠ͅs̵̢̭̫̞̪̯̏̀̽͑͊̃̅̉͘͘e̡̛̺̬͉̰̬̲͋̈̓̅̒̈́͂.̵̢̢̞̭̜̠̲͈͔͕̽̊̓̓͠ A̴̢̡̻̻̟͖̬̅̓̍́͂̀͛ͅL͕͍̺̻͓̞̝͉̥̟͑̾̓̐̽̅̕͞Ĺ̡̡̡̺͖̲̳̦̀̉̈̃̊̆̋͜͞͞.̷̭̠͍̺̙̲͈̪͉̽́̒̋̕͘͘͜ H̱͖̥̺͕̣̿́̇͊́̕̕͢͠A̡̨̡̮̻͙̼̾͗̔̍̉͟Į̷̡̨̮͚͇̘̜̭̗̂́͌̓̔̃̈̚͘͡L̸̢̡͓̼͙̤͎͕̙̑̃͋̉̽̆͑͂͟͠͡.̪̹̤͔̩̊͑̾̀͠ R̢̨̟̬̻̣̪̼̊̇́̄́Ä̴̤͖͎̼̝̠̃̓͞͞͠L̢̳͍̼̭̠̠͉̇̆͐̆̄̈́̎L̨̝͍͕͙̱̹̓̑̾̊̐̍̆͟͠͠Y̢͙̥̖̩̤̆̄͆̉̕͘͢͟͠.̡̛͎͈̩͍͙͛̅̌̃͂̒͘̕ S̴̨̘̫͍̞̙̠͗͂̍̉͢͞Q̨̜̬̺͖̟̣̘͂̈́̎͋̀̉̚̚̚ͅṴ͙͖̯͖̌̑̃̃̏̇̒̈͟I̶̡̗̦̭̖̰̘̪̦͑̂͛͗̚Ṛ̙̱̦̲̫͖͉͑̋͛̈́̓͞R̴͔͇̲̲̥̳̙̟̈́̍͛̎̀ͅĖ̛̮͎͙̘̗̀̀͌̓̈̏̏͡L̴̲̠͈͓̗͖͚̬͍͆̇̀͆̈́͒̅̚͢.̢̹̩̦͇̜͖̦̫̂̽̅̊̋̽̕͘̕