The Indians promoted a hot dog because life is a meaningless existence

The Indians

*squints*

The Indians

*rubs bridge of nose*

The Indians

*sighs deeply*

The Indians promoted a hot dog today. That’s one of the weirdest things I’ve ever written, and I’ve written some pretty weird things. But one of the Indians’ famous hot dog racers— Onion, Mustard, and Ketchup — suffered a case of

*sigh*

soggy buns yesterday, after an alleged White Sox fan dumped water on him prior to the Indians game, seen below:

During the seventh-inning stretch, when the hot dog trio ran their scheduled race, Ketchup couldn’t complete the race because of

*sigh*

his soggy buns. You can see it happen live in all its blurry Periscope glory here:

Then, like a beacon, a similar hot dog from the Columbus Clippers, named

*Jesus Christ, you guys*

Rickey Relish received word that he’d gotten the call to the big leagues.

He is now reportedly in-house and ready to take on Onion and Mustard at the derby today.

Some background on Relish: He apparently used to be a creepy eye-less monstrosity seven years ago, if this unofficial Facebook page is to be believed.

Facebook

Stay weird, baseball. Stay weird, Indians. A hot dog isn’t a sandwich, don’t @ me.