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Loot Crate announces Sports Crate and omits reigning AL Champion Cleveland Indians


MLB: Toronto Blue Jays at Cleveland Indians Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Monthly subscription service Loot Crate — known mainly for shipping boxes filled with toys, trinkets, and other memorabilia geared toward geeks enthusiasts — announced Sports Crate, in partnership with Major League Baseball.

To begin the service, Sports Crate will offer monthly boxes of “exclusive apparel, collectibles, experiences and more” to the following teams:

Boston Red Sox
Chicago Cubs
Detroit Tigers
Kansas City Royals
Los Angeles Dodgers
New York Mets
New York Yankees
San Francisco Giants
St Louis Cardinals
Texas Rangers

On the heels of one of the most exciting World Series in the history of baseball, I think that we can all agree its a good thing that the American League Champion Cleveland Indians were excluded from the initial launch. It’s not like they have any fans. Besides, what could they possibly put in a box that would be fun or interesting? Just take a moment to think about last season alone.

Super boring things about the Cleveland Indians

  1. Rookie of the Year candidate Tyler Naquin hit a walk-off, inside-the-park home run
  2. A breakout year from Jose Ramirez, a young third baseman with the Best Hair in Baseball
  3. A fan-led catchphrase surrounding first baseman Mike Napoli — Party at Napoli’s —that to led to more than $100,000 in donations to the Cleveland Clinic through T-shirt sales
  4. One of the most dominant pitching staffs in the league, featuring Corey Kluber, a man widely rumored to be a robot, and Trevor who nearly bled out on the mound after being attacked by one.
  5. Francisco Lindor, who might be the most exciting and entertaining young baseball player in a generation.
  6. Again, Trevor Bauer cut his pinky on a drone, leaked all over the mound on national television, and crashed another drone into a scoreboard. It’s SO HARD to think of a small, nerdy toy related to him that would be popular.

As you can see, it’s a stretch to think of anything interesting or memorable about the team. Not even from its past, which includes 28 Hall of Famers, multiple World Series championships, and a certain movie that nobody ever references or even likes.

Kudos to Loot Crate, then, for recognizing that the Indians are probably the last team for which they would ever want to make a Sports Crate. There’s a good chance that subscribers would just sell them to Cubs fans for four times the value, anyway.