Monday, June 6, 2016.10:10 PM ET, Safeco field
Day games are charming. It all starts when you innocuously call off of work. "Heads pounding, boss," you whisper into the phone. "I just... I'm not sure I can even get off the toilet."
"You're calling me from the bathroom?" your boss chortles, because of course all fictional bosses chortle instead of speak.
"I wanted to let you know, but — OH GOD!"
This is when you hang up, knowing that you are off the hook for the day. You drive to the stadium, settle into a bleacher seat, and start to day drink. You've forgotten suntan lotion and refuse to buy a bottle for $47.50 in the team shop. You make the jumbotron in the sixth inning by dancing to Cha Cha slide. You're home in time for dinner, and it you wonder whether or not a better day could possibly exist. Day games are charming.
West coast night games are a bit different. You get home from work after a long day with Chortles McChort. Dinner is cold because you're too lazy to even microwave the damn pizza rolls. You look up and the clock starts laughing maniacally and flicking you off: there are still four entire hours until the Indians start. You probably fall asleep before the game begins and wake up when Tom Hamilton shouts "BALLGAME!" West coast night games are not charming.
SO, WELCOME TO THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH TREVOR BAUER
I'm hoping for a solid twenty innings tonight; I don't mind having an excuse to spend thirty dollars on coffee tomorrow. Bauer faces off against some pitcher for the Mariners named James Paxton. Baseball Reference is telling me that this is only his second start; last time out he struck out seven and allowed ten hits in three and two thirds innings. So much for Safeco being a pitcher's park.
Other things to look for: Francisco Lindor thwacked eight hits in his last four games after going "oh-for" in the three games prior. Also, Mike Napoli is hitting baseballs very, very hard at the moment. He's chipped in with at least one RBI in nine of the last ten games and has six home runs in that span.
LINEUPS FOR THE LATE LATE SHOW:
|Rajai Davis - CF
|Norichika Aoki - CF
|Jason Kipnis - 2B
|Seth Smith - LF
|Francisco Lindor - SS
|Robinson Cano - DH
|Mike Napoli - 1B
|Nelson Cruz - RF
|Carlos Santana - DH
|Kyle Seager - 3B
|Jose Ramirez - LF
|Adam Lind - 1B
|Juan Uribe - 3B
|Chris Iannetta - C
|Chris Gimenez - C
|Ketel Marte - SS
|Tyler Naquin - RF
|Shawn O'Malley - 2B
|Trevor Bauer - RHP
|James Paxton - LHP