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Cleveland Indians laugh their way to crushing defeat of "rival" Reds

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After a slow-burn nearly 100 years in the making, a 'Dzar finally got revenge for 1917 by dismantling the Reds

Leon Halip/Getty Images

Indians 13, Reds 1

Box Score

Indians improve to 19-17

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I love games like this. Mostly because I get to watch the Indians dominate, but also because it makes my recapping job so much easier. Once the Tribe hangs a ten spot on an opponent, especially one so detestable as our intrastate rival, writing a recap becomes less about crafting a narrative and more about trying to transcribe a laugh track. And in deference to another sporting event going on tonight, which some of our readers might be slightly more invested in, I'm going to keep this transcription brief.

The Indians did just about everything right tonight, from Danny Salazar's tremendous pitching to Rajai Davis' offensive outburst. Conversely, the Reds did everything hilariously, laughably bad. From their inept starting pitching to their anemic offense and right down to the overwrought, olde-timey abomination of a font on their jerseys, the Reds proved themselves a perfect avatar of the city of Cincinnati tonight.

For the sake of brevity, I'm just going to list the handful of Indians who didn't score a run tonight:

  • Francisco Lindor
  • Michael Martinez*
  • Chris Gimenez*
  • Tyler Naquin*
  • Juan Uribe*

*all four of these dudes were late-inning substitutes with only one plate appearance each

And here's a list of Reds who did score a run:

  • Brandon Phillips**

**suck it, Shaptonetti

So how did it get to this point? Well for starters, Danny Salazar was good - like, really good. After allowing a few guys to reach base in the 2nd, Salazar retired 16 batters in a row, often cruising through innings on eight or nine pitches total. By the time he allowed his only run in the 7th, he sat on the bench for a combined 342 minutes as the Indians offense staked him to a 13-0 lead. He finished the game with eight strikeouts, five hits allowed, and just one walk over 7.2 innings pitched. It was a stellar performance, and yet somehow still not quite Danny's best of the year (see May 6th vs. the Royals). The 'Dzar has been a rock in an otherwise shaky and battered rotation this year, and an All-Star appearance is beginning to feel mandatory.

On the other side of the coin, Reds starter Alfredo Simon was hot garbage. Simon gave up 14 hits and ten earned runs as Reds manager Bryan Price allowed him to fester in his own filth for 4.1 innings. The Indians managed to pile on a total of 13 runs without a single homer, relying instead on multi-RBI nights from Rajai Davis, Mike Napoli, Carlos Santana, and Jason Kipnis. Davis, Francisco Lindor, and Lonnie Chisenhall all contributed three hits to the effort. Bryan Shaw and Cody Allen combined for a hitless inning and two-thirds just for funsies.

As if getting bludgeoned with 28 runs over the past two days wasn't enough, things get worse for the Reds as they have to head back to Cincinnati to play baseball. And oh yeah, they'll have to play this sudden juggernaut of an Indians team for another two games also.

And that's all I have to say about that. Now go watch some basketball. I mean, if you're into that sorta thing.