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This is the best source for all of your hot stove rumors

Forget Buster Olney and Ken Rosenthal: e.e. gammings is the new king.

MLB: Oakland Athletics at Kansas City Royals Peter G. Aiken-USA TODAY Sports

As winter meetings rapidly approach, baseball fans everywhere will scour the internet for rumors about free agent signings and blockbuster trades. In recent years big news tends to break with a tweet from well-known baseball writers. This year, I predict that a new “writer” on the scene will deliver the biggest news this offseason: e.e. gammings.

Who? That’s not quite the right question; you should be asking what. e.e. gammings is (or at least claims to be) a twitter bot that combines snippets of baseball writing posted on the internet with the syntax and structure of an e.e. cummings poem. The result is basically @horse_ebooks, but baseball themed.

I don’t know about you, but I desperately want to play that text-based adventure game. There’s some sort of framework or logic to it, since some posts — ridiculous scouting reports (like this) and the fake text-based game prompts — seem to resurface. It’s possible that someone is also just curating the notes from what the account claims is the source, a humbug.com page written in PERL. If so, it hasn’t been updated since 2004, yet it still performs beautifully.

Who is this mysterious scorebard? Is he the man that is truly behind e.e. gammings? We don’t know. All we can say for sure is that the world is a better place with his hot stove reporting.