The morning after an Indians loss in the World Series emptiness yawns wider inside us all. Bones that felt fresh the night before now ache, gravity strapping them to the mattress, now softer and more inviting than ever. Why even leave bed? Work will understand, and maybe it’s better to never show up again anyway. We burn about 1,750 calories per day just lying there; all it takes having a medium cheese pizza delivered every day from now until the end of time, with short breaks for the bathroom and rent payment.
We can fight that urge to recede that seems so natural. I find the best balm against melancholy is a simple thought:
Francisco Lindor exists and he plays for the Cleveland Indians.
It may not work on the first try, and I’ve found that some variations are more effective for different people.
Francisco Lindor is 22 years old and under team control until 2021.
Francisco Lindor is a .300 hitter and elite shortstop who should continue to improve for several years.
Francisco Lindor is all I’ve ever wanted playing short.
This last one tends to stick well with me. In fact, it stuck so well that I started humming a variation of it and eventually succumbed to the inevitable: putting it to music.
I present a celebration of Francisco Lindor, performed on acoustic guitar and a keyboard that I got for free from my previous roommate, to the tune of “Suzanne” by Weezer.
It is worth pointing out that I am not a professional musician or vocalist, I do not own the rights to this or any other Weezer songs, and if Rivers Cuomo is particularly upset at my bastardization of his music and wants us to take it down, well sure, I guess we will. This is unlikely.
That’s also the closest match to a stadium organ I could find on the keyboard. 7/10 would prefer to have entire pipe organ in bedroom.