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Soylent Green is People: 9/13

Ooh, Friday the 13th and stuff...

Jeff Gross

Well, it's Friday the 13th. Friday the 13th is supposed to be creepy and weird and stuff, so we're going to have a Soylent curveball. I'm going to construct the entire article from the green of a single game. How does everyone feel about trying this?

Trevor Crowe approves:

by Ryan on Sep 9, 2013 | 10:37 PM

Sweet, he was a first round draft pick. This is going to be a gift for all of you.

Happy Birthday, Chuck.

Well, it's not just for Chuck, but okay. I'm just afraid I might see some serious backlash from this.

Keep on keeping on ….

You know what? Haters are going to hate. I'm glad you're here for me. Let's set the scene.

A priest, a rabbi, and Ubaldo walk into a bar…

...between them, they finish a regulation sized bottle of Jack Daniels. The priest and the rabbi both then ordered beers, but Ubaldo left after the fifth.

You're right, of course. Second-half Ubaldo deserves more respect than that. That's a little bit of a jerk move on my part.

You’re not the one being a jerk, here. Stay classy, Chuck.


I see you’ve broken out the caps, and the abbreviations.

Well, I felt it was warranted. It's not every day someone turns 100, and the man deserves a little respect for that. Throw up a fist if you're willing to go to battle for Chuck.

Thanks, Ubaldo. I tell you what, the year gets so long in September that it's hard to remember the beginning of the season sometimes.

I can remember thinking in April how I figured the combination of Yan Gomes, Ubaldo Jimenez, and Jose Ramirez would be winning us big games in September.

I feel like the person who made that comment just fabricated that memory out of whole cloth. Maybe he just wanted to put one in the ol'd W column, but I'm calling bull crap on it.

The self-loathing Cleveland Indians fan base. We hate our wins even more than we hate our losses.

Nope, you've gotta earn the good times here. Just ask Chuck. Anyway, let's get right to our green of the week, which is kind of just a green of the day due to this week's Friday the 13th gimmick. Whatever, here it is.

They do that just climbing up the dugout steps in the first inning.

Fat jokes about the Tigers have become kind of a thing around here, likely because many of the Tigers are fat and we're looking for reasons to besmirch them that don't involve their obviously superior baseball talent. Let's run those chunky dudes down in the standings, probably while they're stopping for burgers. Here's the rest of your week/day in green.

Welcome to the site!

And thank you for not using the subject line.

For a guy, you are okay sometimes.

The same way he celebrated 30. Finishing the Oregon Trail

That was a very good year. I’d tell you how I celebrated that B’day but Luke’d have a fit.

It’s best for your argument to read about baseball for a while.

I see tonight’s thread is part of our semi-regular "Lose all perspective and talk nonsense about Carlos Santana" series.


To Whom It May Concern

Let it be known that a certain person on this blog, who shall remain nameless, has been beating the drum all year for Ubaldo. Through thick and thin, he’s been there. Right or wrong. Usually wrong. But hey! That’s what bandwagons are about. His dream is finally coming to fruition and I, for one, salute him. Here’s to you. I’m glad Ubaldo isn’t sucking.


“Alright, Trevor. This is it. Houston. You can be a star here. You got this. Hoo!”

Attendance was 9k and change.

“In case you haven’t noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven’t, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there”

By five days rest, do you mean four or six?

Just wait until you see Bauer in 2014

I feel like that's good enough for now. Please come back again next week, when I'll still be a hack but maybe I'll be less obvious about it.