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Soylent Green is People: 8/23

We own it

The wall is just a visual aid for where you have to hit it to get out of Michael Bourn's range.
The wall is just a visual aid for where you have to hit it to get out of Michael Bourn's range.
Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

It's Friday, baby; guess who's back?

The OSU marching band?

No. Well, maybe, I don't know. It is school time. I was actually referring to me, the author of Soylent Green. Exciting, right?
That's about the appropriate level of enthusiasm, really. Just as long as you don't fall asleep on me.

Heh, I hear ya, I actually woke up to go to work just in time to hear Stubbs’ Home Run.

That actually sounds like a slightly weirder but completely different problem. Maybe you just need to get more sleep in general.


Oh. Um. No. I haven’t heard anything.

I wasn't begging, it was more of a recommendation, really. I feel like I've already lost control of this post.
You're not kidding. It's a surprise I ever get one of these done.

I’d be more surprised if they weren’t 45 minutes apart.

What? They're actually a week apart.

That’s like a hundred years for dogs!

Where on earth are you getting that? A week is at most like a month and a half for dogs. I hate having to correct you on that, but there it is.

Well except that this isn’t true. It ignores his 2010 season (7 starts with an ERA+ of 104).

That makes even less sense than what we were already talking about. Let's just move on to the green of the week. First runner-up is this one from no1ever.

See how much better that block lettering looks. Your threat is classy and elegant.

I don't know if he planned it that way, but he got Ockus - poor, oft beleaguered Ockus - to put it on a tee for him and then duly delivered the discussion-winning quip. And your (my) winner...

I would assume your phone autocorrects 74% of all words to “sucks.”

If you look at the time stamps on that thread, you'll see there was a mere ten minute lag between the inciting comment and your green of the week. Jason was frickin' Quickdraw McGraw with the zinger, drilled his man between the eyes, and the sauntered off into the Tanzanian sunset. Brilliant. Here's the rest of your week in green.

Yeah. I wrote it, hit post, then it looked odd. So I started to quickly try and google it to get the right spelling, then my office phone rang. It was an extremely hectic 20 seconds or so. And when I realized I had to take the call, and that the spelling would go uncorrected, I died a little inside. Commence with the Ockus jokes. They’re deserved in this case.

That’s probably the only advantage to living in Hawaii, though, right?

The cube.

(it’s the only thing one should EVER gleam)

Do you work in an office? Do you just willfully walk into the bathroom with your iPad in your hand? I refuse to walk into a public bathroom with anything that gives any indication of what sort of call of duty I’m about to answer.

I’m not afraid of them.

Wow you went there. Is the ruler next?

Given the tenor of this conversation, I would suggest "yardstick" rather than "ruler."

If Mark Reynolds somehow powers the Yankees into a playoff spot, baseball will be dead to me.

Tell that to the rabbit.


Certainly not their dietitian.

No one likes our chances, but at least this year we have them.

because he plays for the Astros?

“Honey— going to be late getting home. Stopping to pick up new tie, belt, and sucks at Sucks Fifth Ave for sucksth anniversary dinner then sucks to sucks the sucks sucks sucks. Sucks you sucks!”

Time for one last thought before I bounce.

This is getting kinda hot.

Yeah it is.