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Soylent Green is People: 8/16

Well, we assure you, the procedure is safe and routine Dramamine sends haunting greens (Dramamine sends haunting greens)

Welcome back, team! I feel like this week's edition of Soylent Green is going to be awesome.

Love the enthusiasm. Let's keep this rolling!

No. I refuse to be drawn back in.

Wow, what a buzzkill. Let's get this guy out of here.

He has zero trade value today, because he can’t be traded!

Gosh dang it. That's just bad luck. Can we get someone with some decent vibes going on in here?

"Happy Crushing Defeat Day"
"Merry Blowout Day"
"Happy Gutpunch Day"

That's pretty much the opposite of what I had in mind, if we're being honest.

All I want for the remainder of the season is every player in the organization to play exceedingly well. Is that really too much to ask?

Much better. There's a mod who really knows how to put his head in the clouds, and I like it.

I’ve heard he’s Golden Corral’s MVP this year as well.

I'm friends with him on Facebook; he seems rather svelte, actually. I feel like you're lashing out here.

We’re just an emotional, fickle bunch is all.

Apparently. Is there anything that can make you happy?

Been too busy to post much on the site at all, but that was yours truly that caught Raburn’s homer.

Oh. That would make sense. What made me happy was the fact that Ockus was, as the kids in my neighborhood say, spitting mad game this week. First he delivered this top-drawer exchange...

That stain can never be washed away, no matter how many showers you take.

What, I’m tainted now? It didn’t mean anything. I was thinking of you guys the whole time.

It wasn’t intimate. I swear. It was like … I was just lying there. I couldn’t wait for it to be over. And when it was … I just cried.

Then he brought us this week's green of the week, which had pretty much everything I'm looking for in a highly-recced comment. It was deftly delivered and timely. It was a takedown, but a somewhat gentle one. It was funny, but it also made me think.

I think they should’ve included "Why Don’t We Do What The Mod Says (Let’s Not Tell Him ‘Nah’)" on the new record. It’s a good song with a great message.

Brilliant. From this day forward, may God cleave my tongue if I use the term "Ockus'ed that one up" in a derisive manner.

Good thing there’s an off day. Ockus must be exhausted.

He likely is. Here's the rest of your week in green.

At this point, is there really a point to protecting Rayburn (and Gomes) in an attempt to get the most out of him? Shouldn’t we instead be riding whoever we have to as hard as we have to in order to win every game possible?

Jason Giambi’s making a run at it.

Raburn can really hit, especially for a pitcher.

Seriously man? I actually kind of like you, but this is just you being a total dick.

Jog on with your whatevers.

Oden’s mug is huge.

I know things didn’t end well, but I think this gif surpasses the Reynolds revenge homer as my favorite of the year.

My wife and I went for walk just now. We saw a traffic stop with 3 lakewood cops , two kids smoking joints in the park on BMXbikes, and a pregnant lady throwing up on the side of a bowling alley.

20 minutes that was far, far, far more entertaining than tonight’s game.

I literally disagree with almost everything you post.

Yes, they call it a “win.”

2.) Cram Asdrubal into the box.

You may want to add some roughage to your diet. Giambi can tell you about the best fiber options.

Glen Frey once said, “No one can suck the joy out of a room like Don Henley.”
He never knew Chris Perez.

Perez in line for the W. Dude just knows how to win.

Anything else we want to discuss before I go?

Just saw Kozma ground out. I refuse to discuss it.

Okay then.