Whether you know it or not, Cleveland.com (also known as the Plain-Dealer's website), runs its own forums. If you'd like to see this monstrosity in action (and ruin the fun below for yourslef), you can click here. I am not being hyperbolic when I say that this forum is positively staggering. It looks like something pre-AOL; I remember my brother occasionally playing games in threaded forums like this when my family subscribed to Prodigy. It is a forum lacking in even basic functions, perhaps the most obvious example being that there are no topics or titles, per se. Instead, every post is labeled with a number and, when referring back to posts at a later time, users will sometimes say things like, "I can't believe I posted 797421." I am not joking.
The commenters on these forums, many of whom also often post comments underneath articles, are well known for their shrill style. It's easy to get angry at this strange, small community but, after really looking at the forum, you can start to understand their boorish behavior. CleCommers are participating in a badly outdated type of discourse, one that does nothing to incentivize "reasonable community participation" as we might define it in these parts.
There's a lot of strange behavior on every internet forum and the community practices of one group nearly always look foreign to members of another group. The CleCom forums, though, are their own beast. The relentless flow of witless snark is difficult to wade through, let alone evaluate. I've wondered what percentage of CleCom posters are actually wholly reasonable and creative people engaging in some kind of weird performance art.
So, the game for today, as the weekend quickly approaches, is to determine what was actually said on the CleCom forums and what I've invented. Evaluate each phrase independently; the information in brackets is providing context. Answers are after the jump.
1. [The Indians Truck] said salvation army on the side.
2. [The reason the Indians sent a truck to Arizona is that the team] couldn't get enough muels to replace the truck.
3. [On who Kevin Millwood would 'block'] Judy, Sowers, Reyes, Talbot ... the list goes on and on ...
4. prospects, smospects!! losers, slugs, and ineptness in front office-losers on the field of play. pathetic--pirates and royals are soon to be our role models and goal to attain.
5. [Regarding another commenter] Now he comes here preaching down on everyone the virtues of VORP, WAR, BABIP, zone rating and all the other B.S. statistics that blowhards like him who never truly understood the game of baseball latch onto to make themselves look supeiror. Instead, he just constantly makes a horse's azz of himself.
6. RE: Millwood & Bondo are not coming.....Dolan can't afford more than 414,000k minimum...;
7. can [Cleveland Clinic] buy and run the tribe? we certainly need an exploratory operation into dolan's head. and we all know too wel we're in 'emergency' mode. dr. fine, dr. howard, dr. fine!! no moe, no larry, no curley!!
8. [Jermaine] dye has too much class, professionalism and character for this bunch of losers assembled in clubhouse. acase--really--this is an embarrassment what's being pawned off as a MLB team. i luv the tribe--but this aint it! its the 60-70's rendition--pure garbage. actually--with the $$ grubbing owner dolan--its worse than that 20 year era. pathetic!!
9. [The Indians winning is] just not going to happen under dummy, markie, netti
10. [Regarding a Bob DiBasio radio appearance] did he say when is puppypalooza extravganza
11. Dolan hates parting with his $$$...Especially when he has to give it to someone not perceived as a "good soldier"... paying Milledge would drive him bonkers.
12. [Regarding Jermaine Dye] sign this guy! he's better than LaPorka--even @ the end of his career. he can field, plays smart--and has pop in his bat. plus larry--he'l be CHEAP! last hurdle--does he want to play with our collection of slugs??
13. [On whether or not a commenter would walk away from his contract were he Travis Hafner] If the fans weren't booing me and I was being given a free pass for collecting millions and blaming it on a bum shoulder, I probably would continue to collect the millions. That's why he needs to be booed and not given a free ride. He needs to be shamed.
14. Gil Meche > Hafroids
15. [Jordan] Brown reminds me of a George Brett type of contact hitter, but with less extra base hits and not quite as high of a batting average. Of all the fringe Indians trying to establish themselves, only Donald and Brown showed offensive glimpses of decent offensive production.
Answers: They're all real.