Jhonny Peralta .328
Travis Hafner .100
Grady Sizemore .073
Josh Barfield -.047
Dave Dellucci -.036
Casey Blake -.025
Oh, what a cruel mistress is WPA, thinks poor Trot Nixon. Never mind that you got on base three times, scored three times and drove in three runs. No, you'll still find that harlot making out in the bushes with that cutie Grady Sizemore -- never mind the three strikeouts -- and you would not believe what she let Jhonny Peralta do. And on a night when the offense dominated, WPA isn't giving any pitchers a moment's thought one way or another. In case you're curious, though, C.C. Sabathia got a Quality Start the hard way -- by giving up three runs in the first inning, then mowing down Blue Jays mercilessly for the next five, 16 outs in 17 plate appearances all told.
But these are just numbers after all. What really happened in this game? Hell if I know, I didn't see it. Let's go to our Condensed Game Thread for the highlights:
afh4: Oh Indiansfan, of course you have a weather radio. I adore you.
ASP: Will our boy Brady Quinn be throwing out the first pitch sometime soon?
cleetusthefetus uhhhh... not the best start, CC.
afh4: Alright, lets either win or get rained out.
mkwng: That was a terrible pitch.
fleerdon: Hey, guys, those dingers were all early in the ABs. These Jays can't work a count for squat.
sbricker: Leadership on first. Grit at the plate. Clutch on deck...
mjschaefer: Carmona for Turnbow? Anyone else think thats a good deal?
nickjs21: I'm sending the grounds crew a big cake when this season is over.
cleetusthefetus: 6 runners LOB in 2 innings. At this rate... I don't want to think about it.
mkwng: NO LEAD is safe from Pronk!
sbricker: anyone got a pitch count on burnett?
cleetusthefetus: why do I have a feeling that JP is gonna kill the inning?
APV Wow...looks like Jhonny P's been stealing the stash of grit out of Nixon's locker
afh4: Anyone want to hazard a guess as to CC's pants size? I'm going to say 44/44.
nickjs21: When the hell did Grady get patient?
afh4: CC makes hitters look about as stupid as anybody does.
nickjs21: Fasano is out-mustaching the hell out of Trot Nixon.
KeithHernandez: Did Rick Manning just mock Hawk Harrelson?
nicksj21: Garko, he's at 100 pitches. Don't swing. Bum.
Jeff: Peralta is totally clutch.
nickjs21: Peralta needs to grow a mustache.
Tribe Alive: Loyal Indian fans, I apologize for all the bad things said about Jhonny Peralta. I was very frustrated at the time and shouldnt have said those things. Please accept my apology and understand that it was a quick, dumb, not well thoughtout comment. I love you Jhonny.
APV: Oooh... Brian Tallet enters the game. We haven't been kind to former Indian pitchers lately.
Jeff: Ha! Hammy is hilariously incredulous that Pronk is being IBB'd by a lefty.
afh4: Trot's is like a goatee that got lost. Sal's is like "WHERE IS MY FLUFFER?"
mjmarble: Tallet's at 28 pitches and only 1/3 of an inning.
FranklinScott: Why does Manning always mention Nixon's bat speed is improving? Was that ever an issue? How would he even know?
mjmarble: Do we get a two strike Garko being a dangerous hitter reference?
woodsmeister: Apparently the seventh inning with a 6-run lead isn't low leverage enough to see Jason Davis.
dgcambridge: Peralta strikes out. Big surprise. Is Droobs ready yet?
afh4: I wish Barfield wouldn't even get that hit. WHAT A WORTHLESS HIT. Stupid time to hit the ball.
fwembt: That was not a clutch HR. I am in inner turmoil right now. How can Trot hit a HR that isn't clutch?
afh4: Hey, Ben Francisco!
palcal: Guess Wedge is comfortable using Davis with a 9-run lead
zempf: Man. We've got an 8 run lead with two outs, you can't just call that strike 3 to end the damn game?
woodsmeister: Trot Nixon just leadershipped pie into Jhonny Peralta's face during the post game interview.
This is, incredibly, only 10 percent of our extensive coverage of this game, but I think it really tells a story. I really feel like I was there. Not at the game, on my couch with my laptop, just like the rest of you.