I want to thank you for your performance today. You see, I had planned on watching the replay of your game tonight after work, like I normally do after you guys play during the day. And if you win, I'll normally watch most of it. The problem is that I had other things I wanted to do tonight, like organize the cereal boxes in my cupboard alphabetically, or clean my bathtub.
But thanks to your clutch pitching, you allowed me an evening free from baseball, free from watching SportsCenter and seeing the game replayed over and over again. No really, I mean it: you've cured, at least for one day, my interest in baseball, allowing me to broaden my horizons. It may seem counter-productive from your perspective, since the money for your paycheck is affected by fan interest. But you can rest assured that you've made a difference for at least one person. And I've no doubt that many others besides me were similarly affected by your virtuoso performance; very few pitchers would have been able to repeat what you did today.
Congratulations and continued success,